Product Crush #2

I so want this umbrella from Old Navy. I wouldn't even lose it like I've lost every other umbrella I've ever owned.

Swagbucks

Swagbucks is a search engine site that lets you create an account with them. Every so often, as you search, they will give you Swagbucks, worth $1-5. Very rarely, you could win Mega Bucks, which could be up to $100. They have a bunch of gift cards and prizes that you can spend Swagbucks on. (Amazon, Target, BN, etc.) You don't have to input any credit card info, so don't worry that it's some sort of scam. You don't even have to put up your address, until you "buy" something with your swagbucks.

Sure, it's not going to get you a whole bunch of free stuff instantly. In fact, they've built in something that makes it so you don't get swagbucks just for sitting at your computer and searching for anything that comes to mind. But, if you're like me, you are already using Google all the time. (By the way, Swagbuck's search results are powered by Google and Ask.com.)

You get 3 free swagbucks for signing up, and you can get a $5 Starbucks card at 50 swagbucks. ($5 Amazon gift card at 45.) Get your family and friends to sign up, and you earn what they earn. (Full disclosure.) Obviously, you know a bunch of people who search online, so sign up, send them your referral link, and get started. It's not some sort of get rich quick scheme, but you could earn enough virtual money to get some gift cards now and then to just spend on fun things.

Stepmother Thoughts

I've been a stepmother now for a little over 2 months. Certainly it has been an adjustment. I was fortunate enough to have spent a lot of time with Josh & Caleb on our own before my marriage. I'd taken care of them for whole weekends because of Kenn's work schedule. We had a pretty solid foundation, and I was perhaps a bit too confident about the ease of the adjustment.

It was an adjustment becoming a full time stepmom. Of course it was an adjustment. Writing it out seems so silly, like duh, everyone knows this. And I did know it on one level. Experiencing the change from you are responsible to and for yourself to you are responsible for 2 children and to them is rather daunting however. The weight of knowing that I help shape who my boys will grow up to be is not as heavy as I imagined. Make no mistakes, it is heavy; it is not crushing, though, as I've often heard.

Instead, it is pervasive, always there.

When I mess up, and I feel as though I mess up all the time, the voice in my head telling me I just screwed up? It is not yelling. It speaks quietly, firmly. It is worse that way. I am not proud of some of the ways I've handled disagreements, negotiations, and discipline. I have said no too many times. Honestly, last week I felt as though I'd made a huge mistake, interferring in these boys' lives, as though they'd be better without me.

And then this week happened, and I came through the major adjustment period, finally cutting through the fog. This is natural for me. I have a cycle that I go through with any major life change. The first couple of weeks I am happy, I am dealing. Then slowly, the hard things seem more like hard things, and I struggle. It is worst right before it lifts. I don't know why I have this cycle; honestly, I'm not looking to know right now. I have been through it going to Budapest, coming home from Budapest, moving to the apartment with friends, moving back home. To a lesser extent, getting married was that way, which is another post.

But back to the point. This week happened. And I feel more natural. These children are mine, though they are not mine, and I am not surprised by that anymore. I am not surprised by how little privacy I have anymore. And I can say yes more. I want to say yes to lots of little, unimportant things so the no's I will have to say carry some importance.

I have to be now who I want them to be later. I have to be thankful. I have to be considerate of others. I have to be selfless. I have to be devoted to God. I have to be generous. I have to be a hundred other things, and it is not only for me that I have to be those things. It is for them.

It is for Josh and Caleb, who cleaned up the living room for me before I got home yesterday. Where did they learn that sort of kindness? I want them to keep it. I don't know where they learned it, but I can return it. I can return it by doing their laundry and cooking their meals with a happy heart. They are chores, yes, but they are chores that can be used as gifts.

It is time to wrap up these ramblings. Most people have nine months to prepare for being a parent. I had time as well, but no one really tells you how to prepare for suddenly being a parent of an 8 year old and a 6 year old. When babies are born, they begin inside the mother, and a piece of them always remains. Josh and Caleb, you were never inside of me, and you are not biologically mine. I am not your mother; you have one whom you love. But you are in me now, and I will never lose that. I am your stepmother, and we love each other, but I don't know how a stepmother loves differently than a mother. Because, to me, you are mine. You two, your dad, and me? Not a mistake.

Ask The Reader #3: Songs Everyone Loves

On my way to work this morning, I was listening to my regular a.m. radio show, Ace & TJ, and one of their call in bits was "Songs Everyone Loves." While no song is going to be loved by literally everyone, it's undeniable that there are songs that transcend musical styles, gender gaps, age, race, etc. I have now made it my mission to make a wicked awesome playlist of nothing but such songs. This is, of course, where I ask for your help, gentle readers. I will throw out a couple of songs that I believe "everyone" loves.

"Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey
"Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot

What have you got for me?

Sweet Words

Yesterday, I was doing some cleaning after the boys had finished their homework. I asked Caleb to bring me a trash bag. When he came back with the trash bag, he had this to say.

C: Wanna know why this trash bag is for you?

Me: Why?

C: 'Cause it is for the beautifulest girl in the whole world.

Weekend

1. So, over the weekend, my husband and I discover that the bottom part of our refrigerator is no longer cooling. Our freezer is still freezing perfectly, but the bottom part is not cooling at all. So, since repairing it would likely be as much as a used appliance anyway, we have opted to replace it. This sounds all fine and good until I say what comes next: this will be the 2nd replacement refrigerator we've had to get since JUNE. That's right. We come home from our honeymoon, and Kenn's fridge had gone completely out. Luckily, my parents had 2, so they let us take one. Now, we have to actually buy one. Yay?



2. Kenn and I watched Superbad this weekend (no, the boys didn't watch it with us!). Without getting into whether we should/shouldn't watch those movies, it was quite funny in spots. Kenn seemed to appreciate it on a different level than I was able to, having never been a teenage boy myself. I thought it was funny, but I far prefer Forgetting Sarah Marshall, which I need to come out on DVD.



3. The Emmys were last night. For those who don't know, I am slightly addicted to major awards shows. So, I watched it last night, but I was mostly disappointed. I'm glad 30 Rock won so much, but I feel that Michael Emerson and particularly Neil Patrick Harris were robbed of Emmys. And the opening was painful, not funny. Most of the jokes fell flat, and it just all seemed anti-climatic. I like a feel of gravitas to my awards show, which you can feel free to make fun of me for as long as you wish.



4. Now, I haven't researched the medical ramifications of what I'm about to request, so if I'm off base or insensitive, that's why. But people, please get your huge huge goiters removed. I know that sounds so callous, but, particularly if your job involves communication, if your goiter is visible enough that you need to cover it with bandages, maybe you should think about removing it (if it's medically possible). Kenn and I visited a church where the pastor had a HUGE goiter on his neck. That he covered with flesh-colored bandages (which I appreciated). I cannot remember what the sermon was about.



5. Saturday morning, I have the TV tuned to the Kidz Only music channel. My sons are dancing around, my husband is getting to sleep in, and I am cleaning BECAUSE I WANT TO. I don't know how it happened, but I was not going to be happy if that floor didn't get mopped. It was blissful.



6. Also, my friend Heather took that photo. Check out her photo blog, An Even Ten. The link's on the sidebar.

Books I've Read/ Movies I've Watched

This is mostly just a housekeeping post. I'm currently reading and watching movies quite regularly, and I like to remember what I've read/watched. This is the easiest place for me to keep it, so sorry for the boring stuff.

Since mid-August, I've read/watched:

Books
The Ugly Duckling by Iris Johanssen
I Am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe
The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren W.
Stacey vs. The BSC
Stacey's Broken Heart
Weep No More, My Lady by Mary Higgins Clark


Movies
Capote
Deep Impact
National Treasure
Interview With the Vampire
Black Snake Moan
High School High
Superbad
Four Weddings and a Funeral
Gone Baby Gone
Far From Heaven
American Beauty
Across The Universe
Derailed
Forgetting Sarah Marshall