More Things I Want

I don't know what my problem is, you guys. I cannot get it together to post regularly. Sorry. Whatever's going on that keeps me from posting regularly has not kept me from browser window shopping. Here is a list of the current faves in the "I want that" category.

1. Charley Harper: An Illustrated Life- This book is so pretty. I love his illustrations, particularly his birds. And this coffee table book comes with tons of full page size prints, so whenever we have a baby (NOT pregnant, NOT trying), I'm stealing Dooce's idea and using them to decorate the nursery.

2.These earrings - So cute and silver.

3. This wall organizer - No, it doesn't organize your actual wall. It hangs on your wall, and I can organize so many odds and ends with it. Like my passport. And spare keys.

4. This umbrella - Now, I never actually carry an umbrella, so why I feel as though I need one that is $65 is beyond me. But it is adorable. Perhaps more so than the Old Navy one that sat on the top of my blog forever. Speaking of Old Navy...

5. This scarf - I'm not even sure about how I feel about summer scarves, but I feel as though this would add pizzazz to my rather lackluster wardrobe. Also, pretty.

6. This bedding set - So we've only been married a little over a year, and I'm already kind of bored with our bedding. Kenn probably does not enjoy this. Of course, I'm not planning on actually replacing it, but I would love this set if we suddenly came into a windfall of cash.

Threes

Three Books I've Read Recently

1. Columbine by Dave Cullen
2. Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane
3. The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets by Eva Rice

Three Movies I've Seen Recently

1. Star Trek (yes, the new one)
2. What Happens in Vegas (I didn't say they were good movies!)
3. RENT (Filmed Live on Broadway) (not technically a movie, but I saw it on a DVD)

Three Things I've Gotten for Free

1. 20 bottles of 10 calorie Vitamin Water
2. a set of 4 photo coasters for my grandmother's Mother's Day present
3. 1 Schick Intuition razor

Three Words To Describe Me

1. awesome
2. legendary
3. humble

More Vacation Photos

First Family Vacation

A couple of weeks ago, we went on our first vacation as a family. Though I'm pretty late with the write up, I figure late is better than never. Besides, my friend recently lovingly told me that she was tired of looking at the umbrella.

For a couple of reasons, we ended up only taking a two day trip (well, we drove home the third day). We went to Pigeon Forge, TN, because the boys had never been to Dollywood, and they love amusement parks. So we set out the Wednesday of their spring break probably after 10:30. We stopped at a neat little restaurant in Hendersonville, NC called Harry & Piggy's. It's one of those mom and pop restaurants that has memorabilia literally everywhere. Nothing is better to kids.

As you can see, they even had memorabilia outside the restaurant. And rides inside (well, one ride).

We got to Dollywood a little after 3 p.m. Just a little tip, if you buy a day's ticket to Dollywood and don't enter the park until 3 p.m., you get to come back the entire next day. So, ultimately, you get a day and a half. Kenn and Josh took off ahead of Caleb and me because the first two rides we would hit, Caleb couldn't ride. So we caught up with each other after Josh & Kenn had riden the Thunderhead and Timber Tower. Caleb got to play on a little playground while we waited for the big boys to get off the Mystery Mine roller coaster.

After the boys pulled their body weight up a big pole (Lumberjack Lifts), we all finally rode something together. River Battle is a water attraction where you ride on a boat. Each passenger has a water gun of sorts to shoot at bystanders. Catch is, they also have water guns, and theirs reach farther. Also, it is a law of human nature that attacking perfect strangers with copious amounts of water is delightful and irresistible. We came off the ride soaked. Luckily, Dollywood had a family sized dryer closet that you could use for $3. It was like being surrounded with hair dryers, and it was a cool day, so the heat was quite welcome.

Kenn took the boys on the roller coaster that Caleb could actually ride (well, that wasn't a kiddie coaster). It was 6 or a little after at this point, so we headed to exit the park because we had something other plans for the evening. On the way, we stopped to watch an employee make some pottery. She was really sweet to the boys, and they walked away with a lump of clay each other. Josh made a candle holder out of his.

We grabbed a quick dinner and headed down the main strip to see Terry Evanswood, a magician, perform. He has his own theater, and for my magician husband, it was like paradise to see posters of Houdini, Blackstone, Thurston, & Kellar. The show was wonderful, and there wasn't anything I felt was inappropriate for the boys. You could take pictures during the show, and later Evanswood sat down front for everyone to go take a picture with him.

After the great show (seriously, I recommend it), we finally checked into the hotel. It was after 11 by this point, and I knew there was a Krispy Kreme right down the road. I thought the boys would be delighted with doughnuts after 11. Alas, they were closed, so we just got some snacks at a gas station, which actually had doughnuts. Even then, Josh was really excited. He said, "We went to Dollywood, saw a magic show, and now we're eating doughnuts at 11 at night!" Later, he said it was one of the best days of his life.

We went back to the hotel and slept on the HARDEST beds ever. Sincerely, I have never felt a harder mattress. Kenn and I woke up to this sweet sight though.

Even though Dollywood didn't open until 10, we ate breakfast and were in the park by 9:45. We went to see Imagine, a special show running during their Festival of Nations, which was like Cirque du Soleil. After that, we basically rode everything in the park that we wanted to ride. We even saw another little show, and both Josh & Caleb were in it!

We stayed until closing, eating lunch in the park. We rested for a bit at the hotel then ate dinner at Wendy's. Everyone was tired, so we didn't have a really late night. Next morning, we packed up, ate our free continental breakfast, checked out, and headed home.

Of course, this was the weather on the way home. The entire way home.

Product Crush #2

I so want this umbrella from Old Navy. I wouldn't even lose it like I've lost every other umbrella I've ever owned.

Swagbucks

Swagbucks is a search engine site that lets you create an account with them. Every so often, as you search, they will give you Swagbucks, worth $1-5. Very rarely, you could win Mega Bucks, which could be up to $100. They have a bunch of gift cards and prizes that you can spend Swagbucks on. (Amazon, Target, BN, etc.) You don't have to input any credit card info, so don't worry that it's some sort of scam. You don't even have to put up your address, until you "buy" something with your swagbucks.

Sure, it's not going to get you a whole bunch of free stuff instantly. In fact, they've built in something that makes it so you don't get swagbucks just for sitting at your computer and searching for anything that comes to mind. But, if you're like me, you are already using Google all the time. (By the way, Swagbuck's search results are powered by Google and Ask.com.)

You get 3 free swagbucks for signing up, and you can get a $5 Starbucks card at 50 swagbucks. ($5 Amazon gift card at 45.) Get your family and friends to sign up, and you earn what they earn. (Full disclosure.) Obviously, you know a bunch of people who search online, so sign up, send them your referral link, and get started. It's not some sort of get rich quick scheme, but you could earn enough virtual money to get some gift cards now and then to just spend on fun things.

Stepmother Thoughts

I've been a stepmother now for a little over 2 months. Certainly it has been an adjustment. I was fortunate enough to have spent a lot of time with Josh & Caleb on our own before my marriage. I'd taken care of them for whole weekends because of Kenn's work schedule. We had a pretty solid foundation, and I was perhaps a bit too confident about the ease of the adjustment.

It was an adjustment becoming a full time stepmom. Of course it was an adjustment. Writing it out seems so silly, like duh, everyone knows this. And I did know it on one level. Experiencing the change from you are responsible to and for yourself to you are responsible for 2 children and to them is rather daunting however. The weight of knowing that I help shape who my boys will grow up to be is not as heavy as I imagined. Make no mistakes, it is heavy; it is not crushing, though, as I've often heard.

Instead, it is pervasive, always there.

When I mess up, and I feel as though I mess up all the time, the voice in my head telling me I just screwed up? It is not yelling. It speaks quietly, firmly. It is worse that way. I am not proud of some of the ways I've handled disagreements, negotiations, and discipline. I have said no too many times. Honestly, last week I felt as though I'd made a huge mistake, interferring in these boys' lives, as though they'd be better without me.

And then this week happened, and I came through the major adjustment period, finally cutting through the fog. This is natural for me. I have a cycle that I go through with any major life change. The first couple of weeks I am happy, I am dealing. Then slowly, the hard things seem more like hard things, and I struggle. It is worst right before it lifts. I don't know why I have this cycle; honestly, I'm not looking to know right now. I have been through it going to Budapest, coming home from Budapest, moving to the apartment with friends, moving back home. To a lesser extent, getting married was that way, which is another post.

But back to the point. This week happened. And I feel more natural. These children are mine, though they are not mine, and I am not surprised by that anymore. I am not surprised by how little privacy I have anymore. And I can say yes more. I want to say yes to lots of little, unimportant things so the no's I will have to say carry some importance.

I have to be now who I want them to be later. I have to be thankful. I have to be considerate of others. I have to be selfless. I have to be devoted to God. I have to be generous. I have to be a hundred other things, and it is not only for me that I have to be those things. It is for them.

It is for Josh and Caleb, who cleaned up the living room for me before I got home yesterday. Where did they learn that sort of kindness? I want them to keep it. I don't know where they learned it, but I can return it. I can return it by doing their laundry and cooking their meals with a happy heart. They are chores, yes, but they are chores that can be used as gifts.

It is time to wrap up these ramblings. Most people have nine months to prepare for being a parent. I had time as well, but no one really tells you how to prepare for suddenly being a parent of an 8 year old and a 6 year old. When babies are born, they begin inside the mother, and a piece of them always remains. Josh and Caleb, you were never inside of me, and you are not biologically mine. I am not your mother; you have one whom you love. But you are in me now, and I will never lose that. I am your stepmother, and we love each other, but I don't know how a stepmother loves differently than a mother. Because, to me, you are mine. You two, your dad, and me? Not a mistake.